Category: Articles
A Best Man
On March 19, 2013 the world lost a good man. Larry Bloomer was a loving husband, proud father, and an amazing friend to all who knew him. I am especially fortunate to have known Larry and honored call him one of my best friends for over 30 years. He was the best man at my [...]
Anger Management
Angering people makes me happy. Not in a, “you’re angry so I’m smiling” sort of way. More like in a “I personally have angered you and now I’m experiencing such great joy that I feel like I may very well have discovered the meaning of life” sort of way. It took years for me to [...]
Happy Halloween
Although I think we can all agree that MLK Day is the holiday, All Hallow’s Eve is definitely in the upper echelon of celebratory occasions. Here are 5 inarguable reasons: 1) Halloween is awesome, but it’s much better as an adult than it ever was when I was a kid. All the neighborhood children come to my [...]
Vote Republican
I believe in lower taxes, smaller government, and the right to bear arms. I’m also pro-choice, anti-religion, and think that Republicans, generally speaking, are idiots. Lucky for me, I can vote for Obama because I have a good accountant, the government doesn’t infringe on my life in almost any way that I notice, and I [...]
Ant Agonize
Let me say up front that I like all of my neighbors a great deal. The majority of them have figured out not to try to befriend me, speak to me, or engage me in any manner including, but not limited to, eye contact. The lone retarded gentleman who believes that, because we share the [...]
A Christmas Me Recall
I love Christmas. As a child, it was easily the most epic holiday of my year and I would have given up Halloween, Easter, and my birthday, in favor of it. Granted, Easter isn’t even a real holiday, but still. My parents were kind enough to divorce when I was seven, instantly doubling the number [...]
The Funshine State Pt 2 – Please Don’t F*ck The Fish
I always wanted to swim with the dolphins, but thought it was something you could only do in Mexico where animal abuse is legal, like prostitution, kidnapping, and murder. Turns out, you can abuse animals right here in the good ol’ U.S. of A., while you’re on vacation. So, when Lisa and I left Miami [...]
The Funshine State – Miami
Growing up in Maryland, the “big” vacations of my life always took me to Florida, the state known for sunshine, tropical temperatures. and people waiting for death’s sweet embrace. Our family didn’t have a lot of money, so we never jetted off to Europe, cruised to the Caribbean, or even skied in Vermont. Hell, we [...]
